Did you need the timer?


If you’ve ever wondered what boys will do with a mobile phone that doesn’t have internet connection or a sim card and very few games I am now in a position to tell you.

They will play the music at the loudest volume that the phone will allow and they will set timers.

I am often asked if I need a timer set, just randomly through the day. Not because I’m undertaking an occupation that would usually require timing but just because he can. For 2 minutes, I will be knowledgeably informed. Except he doesn’t know what 2 minutes looks like and apparently phones have not set 2 as the default number of timer minutes.

He usually sets it for 12 hours. 12 hours is what must be the default decided by them what knows best at apple as the usually required amount of time that someone that is setting a timer for no real reason other than to make sure it works would want to set a timer for.

So at round about 2am in the morning the timer that my son has set for no particular reason other than of course to remind me that he loves me and wants to make sure that I am on time for all things at all times starts to sound at maximum volume, also at his explicit request to ensure maximum interruption of all other things that might want to be taking my attention or thoughts away from him.

Groggily as consciousness starts to make it’s way to the front I wonder what sort of monster would set an alarm for the middle of the night. Slowly it dawns on me that the monster is in fact the small child curled up next to me in my bed because he was afraid of the monsters in his own bedroom. His little arms are clamped around my neck in a loving embrace that will ensure that looking left tomorrow is an activity that will require physiotherapy.

I carefully crawl out of bed hoping not to wake him up as I go in hunt of exactly where he has left the phone so that I can turn it off. You would think that because it was alerting me to itself so loudly that this would not be a difficult task however, it’s pretty dark at 2am and my ninja skills are still asleep in bed. I eventually find it and make the noise stop. Everyone else in the house seems wonderfully oblivious to my nocturnal super hero activities.

I replace the sleeping monster in his own bed and creep back to mine. I lie down again, get comfortable and start to relax back into sleep only to realise that once again apple in their supreme wisdom have invented a default that is really much less than I could ever have dreamed and imagined. In my experience half asleep people at 2am when presented with a choice of 2 buttons will press the one on the left. In the western world it comes first. This my friends is the snooze button not the off button. Or in fact the OK button as apple quaintly calls off. What does that even mean as it applies here? Nothing about this situation is OK!


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