Sure. I will kiss you.



This evening’s bedtime procrastination conversation went like this.

“Can I have a vitamin?”

“No, you’ve already had a vitamin today. You can have another one tomorrow.”

“Sure. I will kiss you.”

Before my brain could process or respond to the inconsistencies in the exchange some lips come into contact with my cheek and I hear a little voice counting.

“One, two, three, four, five, six.” Punctuated with kisses.

With barely enough pause for his mouth to move back to where it started he says.

“Can I have a vitamin?”

Apparently I have taught my child the currency of love and he is attempting to barter up a storm.

“Tomorrow.” I reply.

“Sure. I will kiss you ”

Again the lips make contact but to be honest somewhere around two the lips have lost their pole position and given way to some little teeth that are lovingly munching their way up to six.

“Can I have a vitamin ?”


“Sure. I will kiss you.”

“Darling as much as I love your kisses they are not going to change my answer.”

But it’s of no use, the lips have already landed and my talking just made the tooth impact more speedy. As he nibbles his way up to six again I’m left wondering why six is his number of choice. I’m sure whenever I ask for payment in kisses I always asked for 5.

Is this his male competitive streak and one upmanship coming out already? With kisses?

How gauche. Shall I mention it to him?

“Can I have a vitamin?”

I do have to admire his persistence.


Or do I need to worry about his complete lack of grasp on reality?

“Sure. I will kiss you.”

Lips and teeth all at once now and it’s not really distinct words to puncture the bites anymore, it’s more of a continuous gnawing.


“You are eating me.”

“Can I have a vitamin?”


Don’t laugh or the gig is up. Not even a little giggle mind.

“Sure. I will kiss you. onetwothreefourfivesix.”

No time for pausing. All teeth now too, even the pretence of lips has fallen away, we’re at the business end of this negotiation. He feels certain I must be about to crumble.

“Can I have a vitamin?”

Sometimes silence is my closest friend.

“Can I have a vitamin?”

Sometimes not.

“Can I have a vitamin?”

“We have had this conversation. It’s done now. The answer is no.”

“Can I have a vitamin?”


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