We spoke last time about how it feels to abandon your children but I thought I’d give a more detailed account of day 1, probably so I can remind myself of the horror as time dulls the memory.
So in review; I started the day with coffee and quite a few nervous toilet trips.
I nearly couldn’t reverse the car out the (very steep and damp) driveway, I actually slid half way back down the hill with beeps and sirens going off in the car loudly alerting me to my incompetence.
I then nearly had an accident as a car pulled out ahead of me the very next street out the driveway and that debacle still too fresh in my mind.
I started crying about half way there, it was his fault. He asked me where we were going and I said “To Daycare.” I told him we were going to make some new friends. “Yeah. Let’s do it” he rejoined excited.
That’s what did me in. His unbridled enthusiasm and complete trust that I wouldn’t take him somewhere that wasn’t fun and fabulous. I was such a fraud.
He screamed his little heart out as I walked away.
I cried all the way home.
Then I decided I had limited time and lots to do, this was what it was and I may just as well get on with it. I washed, I cleaned, I exercised, I ironed, I cooked. Occasionally I stopped to wonder where he was and why he wasn’t underfoot but mostly I just got on with things.
I watched philomena while I was doing the ironing, on reflection probably not the best choice, stolen children and all.
I rang in after he’d been there for about an hour and they told me he was doing well, almost better than could be expected for a first day.
I collected him at 2pm. He already had his backpack on when I arrived, like he intuitively knew I was coming to get him or just because it’s his new thing and he likes to feel like a big boy with it on.
I asked if he’d had a fun day, “Yeah. Daycare. Make new friends Mummy” he said, which completely melted my heart.
We came home, he put a nappy on teddy and put him to bed. He seemed quite preoccupied with sleep, he clearly hadn’t been settled enough to have one during his day away from me. Next we jumped on the trampoline. Then we had to come inside to prepare dinner. He asked if he could go back to Daycare.
We had a shower, ate dinner and he fell asleep on my lap in front of the TV at 5:15pm.
“Had a good day Mummy.”
*Image from Little Zak’s Ryde