Reconfiguring the world

reconfigureWhen your children reach the age of mobility, it is a great and celebrated milestone but it is also fraught with catastrophe because it is reached well before they reach the age of sense and aeons before they reach the age of reason. So really your children become weapons of mass destruction.

I have heard it called the rising tide but whatever you choose to call it the end result is that everything that is necessary and useful to your everyday life and has always been kept in obvious and useable places has got to be moved.

The hand soap for our bathroom that has always sat on the basin next to the taps, you know, all convenient like, now lives at the top of the shower, up so high less than half the regular inhabitants of our household can still reach it.

The toilet paper, that in most modern homes sits somewhere in close proximity to the toilet, arms length is usually the standard, now has to sit on the windowsill at the furthest stretch possible.

Kitchen knives are under lock and key while every cupboard has had the equivalent security system of fort knox installed on it to ensure the protection of their contents. Heaven help you if you need anything in a hurry.

All doors are locked from the inside, while we are still at home. Once when I forgot this step in the coming home process I found my child half way down the street and the only reason I found him in time was because he stopped to take his pants off. If I’m going on an adventure on my own terms, he obviously thought, there is no need to be wearing any pants.

Remote controls have had to be hidden under cushions or away in drawers, hopefully no one needs to operate the air conditioner or the television whilst the person responsible for the hiding isn’t home.

Most appliances have been unplugged or at least disconnected from the power to ensure that they are not inadvertently brought to life by an unsuspecting child on a mission to discover the world.

I thought this was merely a short passing phase and that things would be back to normal quite quickly. I have never been more wrong, it seems that everyday a new thing is added to the list of things that need to be taken away from all of us. The modern world with all it’s ease of use and accessibility has had to be dumbed down and hardened up to protect it from it’s young.

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