Often, my first thought of the morning and I mean the thought that strikes as consciousness is only just starting to realise what it is, well before I am ready to be conscious, is; “Is anyone else awake?”. That might not seem strange, considering there are often 3 little people, who need things doing, and I might just be hoping for a lie in. But that’s not it. What I ‘m really meaning is, “Are any of the other bottom owners awake and what are their immediate plans with them.”
I always wake up with a bladder full to bursting, with the 3 glasses of water I drank before bed. To make up for the fact that I didn’t drink enough through the day because every time I try to take a sip out of a bottle, I end up having to pass it to everyone else within sip sight, first . The everyone else, who is much more loudly, protesting their imminent death by dehydration, so SO thirsty. Dying men in the desert, they are.
So what I’m wondering is, how much time do I have to wake up, try to pretend I’m having a lie in and not risk an endlessly painful, full bladder, with no hope of relief.
I have heard it said that the bathroom, is home to a man’s throne. I have heard many a woman bemoan the lengthily time span her beloved spends, holding court. I heard tell of a man who took his guitar in with him for a practise session, there wasn’t enough time in the day for both.
I was not prepared for the fact, that toilet using men of all ages, are incapable of performing their ablutions, in a timely fashion. I am not sure if it is part of their genetic makeup, or quite what the cause of this tortoise like approach to bowel evacuation is, but in my experience, it hits as soon as their thighs hit the toilet seat.
Dare I suggest it’s because neither boys, nor men, can multitask? The second their mind wonders, their bottom calls everything to a halt? I have had quite a lot of time to wonder what it is that goes on, as I wait for boy bottoms in my household, to find singular purpose.
So you see, that moment before consciousness, is my moment of choice. Act now, or for a very long time, hold your…wee.